Sophistry
By Jonathan Marc ShermanIgor, the most introspective of his friends, has just witnessed his friend Willy hitting on Robin. They are at a party and Willy and he have been drinking. The situation has been further complicated by the fact that Robin has just broken up with the third friend, Xavier. Igor approaches Robin, and she says, frustrated, "Igor, please don't try to pick me up. This is not the time." Igor tries to defend himself, but becomes lost in his ramblings. Finally at the end, he comes back to the point of the discussion.
IGOR:
I wouldn't even know where to start, Robin, I swear. First of all, trying to find somebody safe on this campus, I mean, somebody who's relatively disease free, who hasn't slept with one of my friends, who isn't heavily involved with somebody, who isn't painful to look at or talk to, who actually likes guys - this is a next-to-impossible task. If I do find somebody like this, the odds that she will have any interest in me are not terrific. And, you know, I mean, I don't even know if I would allow myself to go after a person I respected, since I know the kind of guy I am. I know the thoughts I think. I know I would not want me to date my daughter, if I had a daughter. I know that I cease to become interested in nine out of ten women almost immediately after I've slept with them, ,and I've only slept with three women. I know prematurely ejaculate on occasion. I know I sometimes prefer blow jobs to actual intercourse, yet I can't come up with a halfway logical reason for a woman to want to give one. I know I find sleazy women pretty attractive, and look at most women as objects. I know that white men have a hell of a historical legacy, what with enslaving blacks and treating women like cattle, so I feel ashamed to be a member of what is supposed to be the privileged class. And I know that sensitive guys sound good in theory, but in practice, most of the women I observe are attracted to men who treat them like shit. I know these things. So, you see, it would be very difficult for me to try to pick you up while retaining even minor amounts of dignity and truth and still enjoy myself a little...
But I was standing over there, across the room, and I saw Willy try to pick you up, and I know he's pretty smashed tonight, and I just wanted to see if you were okay.
Are you okay?
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