The Waiting Room
By Lisa LoomerWanda tells a modern woman's fairy tale.
WANDA:
Once upon a time, there were three sisters. All of them stupid. One thought her feet were too big, one thought her waist was too big, and the really stupid one thought her tits weren't big enough. So they went to a Magician, and said, "Make us perfect." And he held up a mirror that made the sisters look like... the woman in the Taurus commercial. And the Magician said, "You too can look just like this." And the sisters gave him a pile of gold, and the Magician worked his magic... and build a new tennis court with their money. But, after a few years, the magic started to... go bad.
The sisters went back to the Magician, and he said, "Hey, I said I'd make you perfect. I didn't say you'd be perfect forever. Check out the shingle. It says, 'Magician,' not 'God.'" And the sisters were really pissed off. So what did they do?
First, they took all the mirrors in the kingdom and smashed them... and recycled the glass. Then they told all their girlfriends and daughters, "Next time you want to look in a mirror, don't go to the Magician, come to us." And when the women came to check out their thighs and their noses and all their other problems, they had to look in the sisters' eyes. And the sisters would say, "Oh, you look fine." At first the women didn't believe them, 'cause who believes you when you tell them they look good, right? But the sisters kept saying, "You're beautiful."
And eventually, the women started to buy it. And the Magicians were doing such lousy business, that they had to move to... Europe. It was like magic. Everybody got kissed, and the women who felt like it got married. And the ones who didn't got good jobs in the kingdom. (Realizes.) And some got both! ... And everybody lived a whole lot happier ever after.
Order The Waiting Room from Amazon.
This monologue brought to you by The Monologue Database.