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Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison
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Tuesday, June 20, 2000 @ 11:06 PM
My Sonique player now has exactly 100 MP3's. This makes me sort of proud, or happy, or something, I don't know. The fact that I have everything from Eminem to Garbage to Vertical Horizon to The Rolling Stones to Harry Chapin to Jann Arden to Secret Garden to Little Shop of Horrors is also quite amazing to me. I have everything from current alternative and pop songs to 60's music, even stuff that was -never- popular. All I really need are a few tracks from Carmina Burana to be really complete. I kind of think that my eclectic taste in music makes me a walking contradiction. Or at least a complex and wonderful person. But what do you think?
Today I was anti-social again. I have talked to no one outside my immediate family for the past two days, except on AOL instant messenger. I'm not sure why, when I'm looking for connection, I am being this way. Maybe I'm just fed up with everyone. Maybe I'm just taking a break from the same old people, who don't understand me and share my secrets even though I ask them not to. Maybe I'm in mourning. Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe I'm being pissy. Josh told me late last night that I was being pissy. It was true. I was attacking him for no good reason. Maybe I should be nicer to these people, they are my friends. I think by Thursday I'll be ready to leave the house, maybe I'll talk Justin into having a film festival. If he does, I'm going to bring Twelve Monkeys. I love that movie. It is one of two movies in which I really like Brad Pitt. (The other is Fight Club.) It is also one of three movies in which I really like Bruce Willis (The others being Sixth Sense and The Last Boy Scout.)
I write this because I am looking to connect. Find faces in the void. So reading this is not enough. You have to write to me. The address, in case you've forgotten, or in case you never knew to begin with, is kellie@blackglass.org. Write. Please.

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