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Thursday, March 08, 2001 @ 5:32 PM
It's 5:35. Am starting to have suicidal thoughts. My mother has apparently forgotten me/decided I have night class, and attempts to reach her have all failed. In between crying and hiding in darkened class rooms (janitor lady came into clean - v. embarassing) have called her and roamed about the building in manner of lost peasant or hopeless wretch, which is exacly what I am. Experiencing conflicting feelings, on one hand, I want to see Logan, on the other hand, if he sees me looking the way I look right now, he would instantly stop loving me and go back with the Kelly who spells her name properly. Best compromise - I wish to be with Logan in a completely dark place (e.g. back of Stroud) where I am invisible and therefore still worthy of being loved. Going to ring Mom again, see if she can rescue me from the Hell-hole that is U-High after the library has closed and all friends have deserted me (although I can't blame them, am wretched and ugly person).
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