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Sunday, August 19, 2001 @ 5:28 AM
5:13 am. What a day/night.
Julie Fisher is asleep on my carpet. She came over, we went out and rented Head Over Heels and O Brother, Where Art Thou?. Then Dan showed up, around midnight, just as we were putting in The Usual Suspects. He ended up taking us to Wal-Mart, where I got an urge to buy marshmallows, 73-cent markers, and chocolate chip cookies. (You only live once, right?) As we were leaving the parking lot, Dan's clock in his car said 3:00, and then his mom called his cell phone. He ended up telling her that he fell asleep watching a movie at my house, but she was still mad. Dan's reaction was kind of like, "What can she do to me anyway?" but he took Julie and I back to my house, and we talked for about an hour and a half, then she fell asleep. I got online... Talked to Neil (Peoria Neil) for a while, and worked on typing up this short story I wrote in three days... which is actually more like the beginning of a serial... it's called Second Home, and it's about... well, in a word, runaways... which probably says something about my current state of mind...
I have finally reached an age where I wish to grow no older. I wish to have no more responsibility than I have right now. Maybe more freedom, but not the responsibility that comes with it. It's not that I dread leaving home, exactly, because I'm not all that close to my family, and in a lot of ways, I'm independent and take care of myself, as far as cooking, laundry, etc... It's more of a vague distrust of the world. I've had a lot of the same friends since grade school, and I'm at a place in my life where I basically know who I can and can't trust, who I can depend on when and for what. I'm not afraid of leaving my family, but I am afraid of leaving my friends. Sure, I'll make new friends, and I'll always have my family as a safety net if things go really wrong, but right now, in my life, if I succeed at something or fail, it's trivial. Soon, my actions may actually have real and tangible consequences. This is just so foreign, all my life I've always felt too young, I've always wanted more freedom, more responsibility, more choices... For the first time in my life... I don't want to grow up.
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