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Sunday, September 29, 2002 @ 6:46 PM
My Universal Maxim never changes. It is simply: Worry is ridiculous.
I have a new version of it as it applies to those annoying Introspective Questions. The formula is this:
Question: ___(Word such as what, where, how)___ should I/am I supposed to/do I ___(verb)___? Answer: ___(Same word)___ever the hell I want to ____(same verb)___. =)
Sample Question: How am I supposed to feel? Corresponding Answer: However the hell I want to feel. =)
Question: Where do I stand? Answer: Wherever the hell I want to stand. =)
See? It's great.
It's always kinda fun to cultivate simplicity.
My problems started to feel miniscule as soon as I was on the highway. One hand at 12 and the other out the window, singing along to Sheryl Crow at the top of my lungs, I seriously felt like I was leaving my worries behind. At 80 miles per hour. It was sweet. I didn't even mind the solitary-ness of my road trip. In fact, if anyone had come with me, it probably would have lost some of it's value.
It was great to see Josh again. By the time I got there, I wasn't even feeling down, just kinda slightly annoyed, mostly with my own insecurity. So I talked to him a little about what was bugging me, which he promptly trivialized in that unique Josh way. He told me cool stories that made me laugh, and all about living alone and in poverty, which made me feel sympathetic, and we discussed the finer points of dramatic performance... and we ate pizza, and Kat called... and I'm supposed to read East of Eden... We couldn't get tickets for the show he wanted us to see, because they were sold out and there was an 18-person waiting list. So we had fun Xerox-ing architecture for about half an hour at the NIU Library, and then we dropped by a party where some friends of his were watching Resident Evil. Cool and grossness. Then we went to see Taxi Driver with incredibly young Robert DeNiro, Cybil Shepard, Harvey Keitel and Jodie Foster - it was part of the re-run series... apparently GKC has that everywhere, not just in Normal.
Before the movie, Josh and I were reading one of those silly slides they always show, and it was like, "Movie Math," and out of absolutely nowhere, he says, "It really aggravates me that two times two and two plus two both equal four." And it was so unexpected that I laughed for a few minutes before he continued to explain how even though he understand the reason for it, he still felt there was something fundamentally wrong with math and with the rest of the universe. It was great... you probably had to be there.
And then the movie people came out and announced that they were about to raffle off "some crap." The grand prize was a Crossroads poster. Neither of us won any crap, though. And then we watched the movie. It was nothing like I expected and I'm really glad I saw it. It was something else.
Then we went back to Josh's, it was nearly two in the morning. He had to get up at seven in the morning, but we stayed awake, catching up, until probably a little after three or maybe even four...? I remember him saying that he seemed to never stop being exhausted. And then I think I blamed the hardness of his futon ("folding thing") to which he replied, "Oh please. It's good for you. It builds character."
I got up with him the morning, but he was like, "You don't have to come to the cue to cue, you can just sleep here for a little while. I don't know when I'll be back." And I was like, "Well... then I don't know if I'll be here when you get back." So we hugged goodbye and stuff, and he left, and I went back to sleep, and then I woke up at twenty to nine and he had suddenly materialized there in front of me. It was disorienting. So we hugged goodbye again and I got back on the road.
It was noon or after before I got home. I talked with my mom and Maddie for a while, then Seth came over and we talked, and I got a little Seussical Perspective (but not truly Seussical, because nothing rhymes with "whatever") and that was nice. Then I went to dinner with my father, and he gave me money. Then I called Michelle, and I'm really glad I did, because now I just feel like everything is right with the world, like nothing was ever wrong with it. =)
Contrary to Homer Simpson's opinion, it isn't beer that's the cause of and solution to all life's problems. It's human interaction.
There's something magic about road trips. It's like, a physical perspective change that makes a mental one possible. And it's weird, because, when I was driving out of town, I felt like I was leaving all my problems behind. But when I was on my way back (approaching Normal, if you will), I didn't feel like I was driving back towards my problems. I felt like I was going home.
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