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Saturday, September 07, 2002 @ 5:39 PM
Okay, I've come up with a mathematical equation to demonstrate a universal truth:
Premise: It's bad to be arrogant when it comes to alcohol
where "arrogant" means carrying around the idea that you can hold your own and aren't the kind of person who gets sick, hung over, or passes out.
Equation: 2x + 7y + 1z + 3.5w -->> 1m + 12h
where x = large glasses of vodka mixed w/ fruit punch
y = cups of margarita
z = glass of watered-down beer
w = hits of something that starts with "w."
m = minor head injury
h = hours spent yakking my guts out
Thank you to Faith, Steve, and the rest of the people who were kind to me while I was learning my incredibly painful lesson all last night and most of this morning. You're all good people, and I solemnly vow to never do that again. The only good thing about the experience:
Kellie (on the phone with her mom): Hi, I got your message.
Mom: You sound kind of funny.
Kellie: It's because I am very, very hung over.
Mom: YOU'RE HUNGOVER?
(Sounds of Maddie, laughing hysterically and shrieking in the background.)
Kellie: Very, very, hung over.
Mom: Well, I hope you learned your lesson.
Kellie: (Laughing.) I love you, Mom.
Mom: (Pause.) Are you still drunk?

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