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Friday, September 20, 2002 @ 1:28 AM
Tonight was fun. Went to Hasting's and Steak and Shake with Dan, Amanda Watts, and Seth. We had a good time reading magazines, Dr. Seuss, and a Buffy companion, then we made our waitress (a lovely woman named "Essence") think we were high with our giggly madness. Dan asked for some TAKHOMASAK's and a paper S&S hat. And I was giddy and the boys made noises with straws. And it was like, "No, we're not high... or in grade school... what're you talking about?" Good times. =)
And without Further Adieu... Kellie Presents: The Friday Five. I know I haven't done this in a while, but these questions fit really well with stuff that I wanted to discuss anyway.
1. Would you say that you're good at keeping in touch with people?
It depends on the people. I find I tend to be the person making aggressive moves to keep in touch with people. A lot of the time, I'm the one who plans the gatherings and makes the phone calls, and sends the e-mails. I used to think it was 'cause I'm bossy and controlling, then I realized it's because I'm horribly insecure and I think if I don't call people, they won't call me and I will lose everyone and spend all my time in my room alone. Listening to the Drunk Kid Catholic CD that Nate burned for me. Yeah... so... there's that. But I have to admit, once someone blows me off a few times, I get discouraged and they drift away. So... if I send someone a nice long e-mail (and I mean the written-especially-to-them ones, not like, group messages) and they send me a sentence or two back... and then I call them but they're too busy to talk... and they say they'll call me back but they never do... then... I guess you could say I take the hint... Sadly, I've lost plenty of people this way... Which sort of re-inforces my aforementioned insecurity, I guess...
2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?
Oh, honestly. Is there anyone who can honestly say anything except face-to-face? There's simply no contest. Much though I enjoy AIM, only so much can be said with emoticons. Phones are fun, and I LOVE getting real, paper letters with stamps and envelopes. (Thanks for the postcard, Donovan! It was spectacular! =) But I truly believe that half of communication is non-verbal. Face-to-face interaction all the way.
It's like Justin Irvin once said. "Everything bad that's happened to me in the last year has been because of e-mail." And then I wrote an entire book about it... Yeah...
3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?
I used to have ICQ and AIM. But everyone at U-High has AIM... and pretty much everyone on the planet, I guess. No one uses ICQ anymore... I still remember all the great ICQ chats I had with Eva while she was in Slovenia though... Sorry. Anyway, yeah, so now we use AIM... even though we all think AOL is evil... We're sell-outs. Sell-outs, I tell you... And I use AIM quite a bit more than is probably healthy, though I know there are people who use it much more than me. It is nice now that I'm at college, just because there are people who aren't accessible really any other way... but I'd rather be having phone conversations with them... I need to just break myself of the talking online habbit altogether and start just calling someone around 9 p.m. every night. Just be like... Oh, I haven't talked to Stephanie in nearly a month... I think I will call her tonight! Yeah... I should definitely do this... doesn't mean I will... but I definitely should.
4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?
I haven't really counted... Let's see...
Close Friends Far Away: Julie, Josh, Justin, Jessica (hm, lotsa J's), Eva, David... About 6.
Close Friends Close: Dan, Megan, Michelle, KatieMakesPie, Steve, Steph, Seth, Sma, (hm, lotsa S's) Julia, Nate, Eric, Allison, Renata... About 12.
So... almost double.
It's not that close friends of mine don't move away... It's that once they move away, they have a habit of not bothering to keep in touch with me... It's not that we don't try... it's just incredibly difficult... And people often drift away emotionally who are still physically close... And the older friends pages are full of people who I was close to or was very nearly close to who went away to college and just disappeared from my life. For instance, Ryan Rappa.
The thing is, I can't figure out whether this Planning Mentality of mine is good or bad... I just know it exists. I can't decide if I should be more... passive... and just let the chips fall where they may without worrying, or if I should make detailed lists and formulate detailed plans for how to keep people in my life... For example:
"High-Risk Zone Friends" (people I have the highest danger of losing within the next year): Julie, Justin, Jessica, Eva, David - Because of the Distance Issue. Megan, KatieMakesPie, Steve, Sma, Julia, Allison - Because they have busy lives, and at least somewhat pesky parents. Steph - Because even though she's in town, she's going to a different college, and she works way, way too much. Julia, Nate - Because they don't drive.
And, I suppose... Michelle, but to a lesser extent, because I'm guaranteed to see her for at least an hour every week. We have a standing engagement for lunch on Wednesdays at 12. =) And next week, I think we'll get Prime Time calzones and eat on the sidewalk in downtown Normal, if that's okay with her.
5. Are you an "out of sight, out of mind" person, or do you believe that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"?
Somewhere in the middle, definitely. Because long-distance friendships are just hard. It's hard enough to make time for people when they're accessible, when you can just say, "OK, get in your car and drive here." It's like... you never seem to get to that deeper plane of conversation that makes people close with friends when they're far away. Because you are constantly trying to update each other with the details of each other's lives that you're missing, and you never get to the point where you can take the details for granted and talk about really important things. Does anyone kind of know what I mean? I don't know, it's just... weird... how there are all different kinds of Distance. Sometimes you can feel close to people who are talking to you across a bazillion miles of wires. And sometimes you can feel far away from someone even when you're holding them in your arms as tightly as you can. And perhaps, in this way, distance is a state of mind. And personally? I think the ideal is Zero.
And that's all I have to say about that.
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