Thanks to some things that happened yesterday, I feel much better. The feelings of terror and helplessness are still there, but they are suddenly a lot more manageable.
As soon as I got back from my little trek to Champaign, I was kidnapped by Dan and Stephanie and taken to a mall in Peoria. Steph and I are going to return there when I have some money. We had pizza and then Steph drove us downtown, where we couldn't find anywhere to go that wasn't 21-and-older. So, we drove home, listening to Linkin Park and Blink182. It was sparkly and good. And we're going to live together this summer! Huzzah! I love my friends.
I went home and went to sleep and had a really weird dream... It's very much bits and pieces, but Dan, Steph, Renata, Rob, and other people were there... and there was parachuting, and bicycling, and walking into an open house, where we stole some things... and a grandmotherly woman who looked like my great aunt... and then, it took a turn for the very not cool. Someone who looked like the illegitimate love-child of Julie Fisher's father and Jack Nicholson stalked from room to room with a knife while I hid in a linen closet. It was very vivid, except for the terror, which I didn't feel in the dream. Then, when I thought I could get to the door, I crept out of my hiding place, but he was waiting by the door, so I ran to the basement. He had a female accomplice, who's voice I heard, but I never saw her... Anyway, this all resulted in me stabbing him in the eye with a screwdriver. But he didn't even scream or anything. That was a little creepy. I woke up and tried to figure out what all of this was about, and decided I need to start 1.) Looking for a bike, 2.) Looking harder for an apartment, 3.) Not stealing, and 4.) Writing the horror movie. But not before I play The Sims.
You know what would be cool? If Tim Burton did a film version of No Exit. Imagine: Hell is... Johnny Depp!
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