I can't believe it's April and I'm not better. The days are a little better sometimes but the nights just keep getting worse. You really can't imagine. I have never felt this bad for this long, ever. Social services are so bad here that I might have to wait a year to see a doctor. My only hope is to pay for insurance. I'm going to try to switch meds and get into some kind of cheap therapy. I'm going to have to get a job just to pay for my medical expenses. Which means my good days are going out the window. If I moved back to Chicago right now, I would have to find a full-time job with insurance within a month, or my savings would be gone and I would have to move back here again. I can't move back to Chicago yet. I can't be on my own again, not yet. There is no scenario in which things could get any better. They are only going to continue to get worse. Fuck you if you think I'm being dramatic. Fuck you, regardless.
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