Never Better

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In the Summer of 2004... Tuesday, July 14, 2009 @ 10:58 AM Amanda posted today about her psych ward experience, and it made me want to share my experiences. I don't think my experience is as terrible as Amanda's, but it did include deception - and I don't think it is at all uncommon. The first time I was hospitalized began with a visit to the ISU counseling center. It was for an assessment appointment. I did not in the least expect to be hospitalized. But, after telling the counselor in question that I felt joyless, hopeless, and trapped, and that I often took late night walks to a bridge over Main Street and contemplated jumping off just as a car drove by, she told me I needed to go see someone at a hospital. I had engaged in some parasuicidal behavior at this point, standing on the edge of the bridge, and some very tentative cutting. I wanted a way out, yes, but I was still rooted enough in life to be afraid of myself. The counselor from ISU CC sat was with me during the assessment at the hospital, and to my amazement, she actually exaggerated my symptoms to the nurse. She claimed that I had told her I "fantasized about slitting my wrists and watching the blood flow." I said, "I didn't say that," but of course, they wouldn't believe me, I was a hysterical crying person. They offered to admit me into the psych ward overnight, so that I could see a psychiatrist in the morning. That was how they explained "voluntary admission" to me: They said I could stay overnight, and go home as soon as I was feeling better. But what they don't tell you about voluntary admission is: You don't get to be the judge of when you're "feeling better." A doctor you've never met before is the one who decides when you're "better." I agreed to be admitted, believing that I could stay the night, talk to a psychiatrist, maybe try out an antidepressant (I had never been on any), and then go home. Instead, I spent ten days there, trying to convince a doctor that I wanted to live, when really all I wanted to do was to get the hell out of the psych ward. 0 Comments: Post a Comment << Home archives / / blogger NetworkedBlogs Blog: Never Better Topics: writing, music, theatre   Join my network Content & Design (c) 2000-2009 KP

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