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Friday, August 21, 2009 @ 4:40 PM
So, the folks from the depression study let me back in! The interviewer talked to her supervisor, said, "That was dumb," and they agreed, and called me, and I got back in. I went to the first of the two-hour evaluation sessions today.
First, they hooked electrodes to my fingers and chest. Then, I filled out some surveys. You know the kind. They ask about your feelings and thoughts, and you fill in one of the circles with numbers to represent "Never" "Sometimes" "Often" "Always." Those things. Then, I stared at a computer screen, and every time an O appeared, I hit the space bar. When a Q appeared, I was not supposed to hit the space bar. I did this for something like ten minutes. Most boring game ever. Then I filled out more forms.
Then, they put on some music, dimmed the lights, left the room, and I was instructed to relive events from my life that made me exceptionally sad. I had to sit for seven minutes and try to be sad. This is what I discovered: It's actually kind of hard to be sad for seven straight minutes. At this point in my life, I have trained myself to avoid, rationalize, analyze, and compensate for sad thoughts and feelings. My behavior isn't always successful, but it's hard to shut that off and just say, "No, keep thinking about sad things." It was easy to make myself feel sad - I even cried - but it was hard to fight my learned behavior, which is to attempt to make myself feel better - for seven minutes.
Then I played the O vs. Q game some more. Then I filled out some more forms. Then they let me take the electrodes off. Then they scheduled the next evaluation, eight weeks from now. Then they gave me a check for $25. Yay!
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