Never Better

Strategery

2008-07-04T09:39:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to make the most of my last few days of freedom before I start work. Mostly that means running errands, smoking cloves and writing poems, and slacking off. I've been watching movies and playing games and hanging out with the roommates. It took us three days to play our first game of Risk. Rich wiped out Amanda and Nick. I managed to hang onto one country in Europe, and that was it. Maybe next time we play, I'll be better.

Listening to: Bad Religion - Let Them Eat War

I work in a pharmacy.

2008-06-26T12:53:00.004-05:00

Today I went back to fill out the paperwork for my new job. I guess I passed that drug test, after all! I would be lying if I said I were excited about being a cashier again, but you do what you have to do to pay the bills. If my rent were $100 cheaper, I wouldn't need this job, but it's not, and I do. I might as well make the best of it.

Those Damn Gibberish Questions...

2008-06-22T00:29:00.004-05:00

Lindsay came over tonight and we all played Apples to Apples and drank some wine and Mike's hard lemonade. Then I got everyone to play You Don't Know Jack. It was difficult, because everyone in the group, (excluding Amanda, including myself), likes to talk non-stop and so we missed lots of Cookie's instructions and jokes. Then I showed Nick and Lindsay funny exam answers and overheard at the office and then we went through the quotes page archives and got nostalgic. All in all, a good night. Five minutes ago, I was not tired, but now... I am a little sleepy. It is probably the cat's fault.

Listening to: Better Than Ezra - Porcelain

Every time you feel like crying, I'm going to try to make you laugh

2008-06-19T21:07:00.002-05:00

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
-- Kurt Vonnegut

I have a job interview for tomorrow. It's retail, part-time, very nearby. Hopefully it will go well and provide me some steady income.

Listening to: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges

Flatland Excursion

2008-06-15T12:02:00.003-05:00

The trip to Illinois was not so bad. My mom and I listened to a book on tape version of Pride and Prejudice that I got from the Beacon library. Saturday night was awesome because I got to party with Michelle, Dan, Seth, Steve, Bret and Kathy. We played Euchre. We as a group beat Super Mario Brothers III. I got drunk. It was fantastic. I spent as much time as I could with Dan and Michelle on the trip. I also saw my selfish, egotistical, ungrateful brother, and he pushed my buttons until I wanted to tear my hair out. (It took about 20 minutes.)

The trip home was all right. I drove through almost all of Indiana and a good chunk of Ohio. I hung out all week in Binghamton at mom's house and then she drove me back to Beacon on Saturday. It was like, "Hey, mom, remember how we just drove a thousand miles? Want to drive 200 more? Please please?" But she brought me important things that I couldn't have taken with me on the bus. Like my TV.

After we unloaded my stuff, we went mattress-shopping. I got a really nice full-size bed and it was delivered this morning. You know what you shouldn't shop for when you're tired? Mattresses. They keep having you lie down to test them out, and all you want to do is go to sleep because you're so comfortable - but you can't. It's torture. But now I have a mattress. It's sweet.

Listening to: Bif Naked - Lucky Ones

Regarding Employment

2008-06-03T20:04:00.002-05:00

OK... now I'm really freaking out...

I think I'm going to read "Overqualified" for a few hours.

Listening to: Harry Chapin - Danceband on the Titanic

The New Place

2008-06-03T12:11:00.001-05:00

The house is nice. We live in half a vertical-split duplex. On the first floor, there's a big living room, a large dining room, and a big-ass kitchen. The second floor has three bedrooms. Most of the house has pretty good-looking hardwood floors. My room has some dingy old tile, but it has two windows and its own ceiling fan. I'm pretty happy with it. I'll be happier when I have a job.

One good thing is that there are a couple of unsecured wifi connections nearby. They're pretty unreliable, but still better than no Internet at all.

Listening to: Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone

True Life: I don't have a car.

2008-05-30T13:09:00.002-05:00

I hate when things that should be quick and easy turn out to be difficult and time-consuming.

I'm moving to Beacon on Sunday. Then, next Friday, I'm going with my mom to Illinois. So I have been charged with the relatively simple task of getting from Beacon to Binghamton before noon on Friday. A series of unfortunate and, frankly, inexplicable events prevents me from being able to do this in under five hours.

1.) Short Line Coach is on strike.

2.) There is no Amtrak station in Binghamton.

3.) There are no Greyhound bus stations in Beacon or Newburgh.

4.) There is a Greyhound bus station in Poughkeepsie. For some reason, the bus ride from Poughkeepsie to Binghamton (a three-hour drive, tops) takes nineteen hours. I am not making this up, I am not that creative.

5.) The only plausible route I have discovered - so far - is to take the Metro from Beacon to Grand Central Station (90 minutes), walk a mile to Port Authority, then take a Greyhound bus (3 hours) to Binghamton.

There has to be a better way.

Thank you for reading my rant. As a present for being so nice, here is a song you can download:

Listening: Suzanne Vega - Marlene on the Wall

Hip Spinsters! Huzzah!

2008-05-28T12:20:00.001-05:00

After yesterday's Jane Austen post, this is what I've been thinking about:

Any man who is threatened by your intelligence, your success, or your wit is a waste of your time. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than have a relationship with someone who felt threatened by how brilliant, talented, and funny I am.

Any tradition that values women based on their partners instead of their individual identity isn't worth preserving. Let's continue to demolish this tradition. Unmarried women are not objects of mockery. They're role models to women who refuse to sell out their dreams.

Listening to: Dar Williams - I Won't Be Your Yoko Ono

Jane Austen Rocks.

2008-05-27T21:42:00.001-05:00

I just watched Becoming Jane with my mom. It's not bad. It's not great, either. But there's an interesting moment when Jane talks with a contemporary "authoress." Mrs. Radcliffe remarks that it's horribly embarrassing for her husband to be married to a woman with a literary reputation. Jane says (I'm paraphrasing), "But surely it must be possible to be a writer and a wife?" Mrs. Radcliffe says, "Oh, yes, it's possible. But it's never easy."

Florence King wrote, "The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners."

Even today, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler making a killing at the box office, there are always people lining up to write articles about how women supposedly aren't funny. (They're morons, but they're out there.)

Anyway, Becoming Jane did make me want to read Pride and Prejudice again, and find out more about Jane Austen's life. I happened to find this poem:

You could not shock her more than she shocks me;
Beside her Joyce seems innocent as grass.
It makes me most uncomfortable to see
An English spinster of the middle class
Describe the amorous effects of "brass,"
Reveal so frankly and with such sobriety
The economic basis of society.
-- W. H. Auden, Letter to Lord Byron (1936)

Listening to: Cyndi Lauper - Give It Up

Making money from this old blog?

2008-05-27T15:09:00.004-05:00

Quick announcement: I just wanted to let you know that I've joined PayPerPost. It's a blog marketing service - basically, advertisers pay people to blog about their products. All paid posts are accompanied by a disclaimer. (For example, the one at the bottom of this post.)

This all started because my mother found an article in the Press & Sun Bulletin about getting paid to blog. They recommended three sites, and I thought I'd sign up and see if they were legitimate. It was very easy to sign up for PayPerPost, and my blog was approved quickly - within 24 hours. It seems like there are a good variety of opportunities - you can review websites and products that interest you - and get paid a fair amount of money to introduce your readers to those sites and products.

I'll keep you posted about how it goes. If you're interested in signing up to make money by blogging, let me know what you think in the comments. If you've used a blog marketing service in the past, please post about your experience in the comments. Did you find a good amount and variety of open opportunities? Did you get paid promptly? Those are things that are important to me right now. I'm going to need all the cash I can get when I move into my new, expensive apartment in Beacon.

Listening to: The Promise Ring - Tell Everyone We're Dead

Not to New York City. Not to Chicago.

2008-05-27T10:31:00.002-05:00

It's all happening. I'm moving to Beacon. I'm kinda freaking out. There's a lot to do. I'm going to try to take it all one step at a time and drink plenty of fluids.

Here are some things that should exist, but, as far as I know, don't yet:
* A blog where people submit cryptic e-mails from their bosses.
* A page where people can play musical scavenger hunt competitively.
* A dating site exclusively for feminists (or "egalitarians" if you must).
* Glow-in-the-dark playing cards and board games. So you can play your favorite games during power outages.
* The "Friends-Only" Friday Five.
* Brown Line Bingo.

Listening to: Rachael Sage - Mexico

that cloud that's blacking out the sun

2008-05-26T20:48:00.003-05:00

Listening to: Mike Doughty - Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well

I couldn't sleep last night, so I applied for jobs in Beacon and Poughkeepsie for a few hours and then watched a bad movie while brainstorming possible new sources of income - such as selling my plasma.

I slept late and then I behaved weirdly chipper all day. I let my mother buy me some sandals. I played badminton in the back yard. And then I crashed. I'm feeling absolutely awful right now. I should probably take some Diazepam. It's like Toby always says, "Don't be a hero. Manage the pain."

Save some face, you know you've only got one.

2008-05-24T10:34:00.004-05:00

Listening to: The Killers - Smile Like You Mean It.

Yesterday I went for an interview and testing at the local newspaper. The good news is, I scored 103 on the one-minute typing test with 0 errors, and 98% on the 50-word spelling test (I misspelled rhythm). The bad news is, they won't have a decision for me until after June 1, and by then it will be too late.

What's going to happen will happen by June 1. Either I will bail on my Uma Thurman and be miserably guilty, or I will live with my Uma Thurman, and be miserable and poor. I want something to make this decision for me. My mother is perfectly willing. She is 100% against me moving to Beacon. She thinks it will negatively affect my mental health. I'm starting to think she's right. I just don't think it's possible to find an apartment that will make all four parties happy. I think if we all move in together, every person will feel like they are the one who got screwed. We'll be four resentful people trapped in a bad situation together, hating one another.

Meanwhile, back in Illinois, my brother finally got his car working, only to have his driver's license suspended. You know what this means. Crying and chain-smoking.

Good to know I'm not (totally) alone.

2008-05-18T08:36:00.002-05:00

"Most of my experience as a corporate wage slave involved answering telephones to one degree or another. This is what the business sector does with young women with pleasant-sounding voices (regardless of work experience or education): stick them behind a desk and give them a telephone to answer. Much of my misanthropy comes from interfacing with the public in this manner. One can only understand how truly unredeemable the human race really is by answering telephones at some corporate hellhole."
-- Heather

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

2008-05-17T10:02:00.002-05:00

Anna: "Mommy, who is going to be the next President?"
Sheila: "We don't know yet, honey. It looks like it will either be Barack Obama or John McCain."
Anna: "Oh, mommy! It can't be McCain! That would be like four more years of Bush!"

Anna is ten, and she gets it. Why doesn't everyone?

Binghamton Car Dealership = Kentucky???

2008-05-13T12:49:00.002-05:00

Today while I was sitting in the break room for my lunch hour, three of the car dealership employees came in and watched the news while I worked my sudoku puzzle. One of them pointed to Obama on the screen and said, "I wouldn't vote for him if he were the only person running."

I said, "Why's that?"

He said, "Because of his minister."

Then the other two employees said, basically, that they questioned his patriotism. One claimed that he had refused to salute the flag. The other said, "A commander in chief who won't salute the flag? What is the world coming to?"

Ladies and gentlemen... I am temping in The Twilight Zone.

From the file marked, "Things that should exist but don't yet, as far as I know"

2008-05-09T17:24:00.002-05:00

I discovered passiveaggressivenotes.com, and many similar sites, and then I had an idea. The idea was inspired by Anna, who is in fifth grade and graduating soon from the DARE program.

I don't know about you, but I continued to wear my DARE shirt through high school. So did a lot of the kids who took advantage of U-High's open campus policy to visit a picnic table across the street and smoke. Over the years, I've pondered the irony of kids wearing DARE shirts while smoking, drinking, and otherwise experimenting with substances. I don't think I've actually done so, but I've definitely thought about taking pictures of this situation, for the irony. (That and smoking pot in front of one of those "DRUG FREE ZONE" signs.)

Someone needs to start a photo blog made up entirely of pictures of people wearing DARE t-shirts (or DARE t-shirt parodies, of which there are many) and partaking in non-DARE-sanctioned activities. Obviously, there's the issue of illegality - you wouldn't want to publish people's faces or identifying characteristics. Unless of course you're 21, wearing a DARE shirt, and drinking wine from a paper bag. Then you should show your face.

So... somebody get on that.

You Have to (pretend to) Believe.

2008-05-07T20:08:00.003-05:00

The temp agency called me this morning, and now I have a job for tomorrow and Friday, and possibly for the next two weeks. I should be glad to have the money, but mostly I'm dreading having to smile and make nice with strangers. I hate pretending to be pleasant, especially when all I really want to do is hide under my bed. Dr. K. upped my dosage, maybe it will help. Or, maybe fake-smiling will be good for me. I've heard that if you force yourself to pretend to smile long enough, odds are good that you will eventually end up happy. (I paraphrased that from the end of Sophistry.)

I want to submit Dogface to the Firehouse Theatre Project, but I need someone to write me a letter of recommendation about what an awesome playwright I am. I asked Tim to do it, but he hasn't responded. I'll beg people if I have to, but I'd rather have a volunteer... The guidelines say, "Scripts must be accompanied by a letter of recommendation from a theater company or individual familiar with your work. Letters of recommendation do not need to be specific to the play submitted; they may be general recommendations of the playwright's work." Anyone want to throw me a bone?

Desperately Seeking Minions

2008-05-05T15:39:00.001-05:00

What I really, really want... is to talk to someone who already agrees with me. I'm so tired of feeling alone in my beliefs. I don't want people to argue with me. I want someone to say, "You're right! Patriarchy fucking sucks! What should we do about it?" I want to preach to the choir, because that's how you make them sing. I want to persuade other people - but I want to have fun and make friends while I'm doing it. I don't want to bicker over semantics. I want to lead. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I love Jessica Valenti. Does anyone else love Jessica Valenti? Does anyone want to have a "49 Double Standards" book club? Because I'm there. I am so there.

Quack Quack Quack!

2008-05-02T19:21:00.003-05:00

I saw a local production of Beyond Therapy that was pretty funny last night. It made me miss my THEA207 class at Bing - that's where I first encountered the play. Ary, from my acting class, was a lot funnier than the guy who played Stuart last night.

I'm going into the city tomorrow for Chelsea's two-day birthday extravaganza. The problem is, I don't have a book to read on the bus. Those of you who have your own cars probably don't realize what a problem this is. You need just the right kind of book to read on a bus. It needs to have a plot that's interesting, but not too complicated. It needs to be relatively easy to read. And since I'm on my way to a party, it needs to be something that won't depress the hell out of me. That cuts my available choices to about three books, and I've already read them this month. I might break down and go buy some books before I go to the bus station. And a copy of The Sun if they have it.

International Fame

2008-04-27T15:26:00.002-05:00

Guess what, kids? My ten-minute play "What Are the Chances?" is going to be part of the Asphalt Jungle festival in Ontario. Go me!

Today I looked at Josh's comic - and you should too. Go to the main page and click on "Comic." I'm sad that there aren't any new comics, and there are no 2008 quotes. I sympathize, though. I haven't updated the quotes page nearly as often as I did when I was in high school. Maybe people don't say funny things as often. Maybe my standards for what is humorous have risen. No, on second thought, I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

P-S-Y-C-H-O PSYCHO!

2008-04-26T22:04:00.003-05:00

Saturday April 26 - Dickinson Community Players' production of Psycho Beach Party by Charles Busch.

For those of you who aren't familiar, Psycho Beach Party is Psycho meets the Gidget genre - a perky wannabe surfer called "Chicklet" (played this evening by Amber Rivers) - shocks the 1960s Malibu Beach crowd when her alternate personality starts shaving the hair off sleeping sunbathers. Rivers did an admirable job with the incredibly difficult role, which requires the actor to play more than six separate identities - including a dominatrix bent on world domination. This facet of her personality is fascinating to the King of the Malibu Beach Surf Bums, the Great Kanaka (Charles Berman). Berman got more laughs than anyone, thanks to his booming voice and perplexed expressions. He has, by far, the best comic timing of anyone in the cast, and he stole more than scene.

Stephanie D'Aquila gave an enjoyable performance as Marvel Ann, though she fumbled a little during her best monologue. Chicklet's love interest Star Cat (John Svitek) was hard to understand at times, due to his low volume and lack of enunciation, but he sold his key moments. Rivers outshone her leading man, who might have benefited from a greater familiarity with his lines. Dara Kramer worked wonders with the role of brain-dead starlet Bettina Barnes, and Andrew Turnwall and Jordan Zager overcame a lot of awkward writing to portray surf bums who are falling for each other. Hannah Cline-Plaisted, in the role of comically geeky Berdine, seemed to try to hard for laughs - a difficult feat to pull off in a slapstick spoof. Overall, director Katie Furey is to be commended for choosing such a difficult piece and pulling it off. The performances were a bit uneven, but all things considered, the production was hilarious.

Binghamton residents have one more chance to see the show, tomorrow night at 8:45 on the Binghamton University campus.

Lady... when you're with me, I'm smiling.

2008-04-23T19:38:00.003-05:00

I'm sick again. It's not fair! (And it's a snot fair.) Due to my illness, I'm being very lazy this week. I've been spacing out constantly. I'm trying to read this month's review books, but the temptation to sleep instead of read is too great. Plus, one of the books I was really excited about is really lame. When I told my mom about it, she said, "Do you have to read the whole book to give it a bad review?"

I know I'm the only person on Earth to ever express this opinion, but I really like Nick from "Freaks and Geeks." Everyone always thinks he's pathetic... and... yeah, he kind of is. But I love him anyway. I think I should probably discuss this with my next therapist.

slash slash backslash escape

2008-04-17T09:42:00.002-05:00

I'm looking at an apartment in Binghamton on Sunday. It's expensive and it's really, really close to my mom's. She insisted we look at it. There are reasons to stay in Binghamton... and Amanda is my only reason to move to Beacon/ Poughkeepsie/ wherever we end up. I'm supposed to go to look at apartments in Beacon next weekend. I guess I'll see how that goes. After that, I'll probably need to make a decision.

The temping is going well. Being a receptionist isn't too hard... but I still manage to do a sub-par job. I'd forgotten how boring the Internet can seem after you've been sitting at a computer for seven hours. I can amuse myself online longer than a lot of people, but right now, I just want to put my head on my desk and take a nap. I have a book, but it's too confusing to read and be interrupted by phone calls. I'm just not a great multi-tasker. I remember trying to write while working the front desk at Siegel and it was next to impossible. Writing requires a flow. I can't stop between paragraphs and pretend to be working. The ideal tasks to combine are answering phones and stuffing envelopes. Stuffing envelopes is totally a Zen experience.