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"Did he really give you pens?"
"Yes."
"I knew he was Jewish!"
-- Amanda, Kellie, and Chelsea
"Having a fever and being on the brink of menstruation are not factors conducive to seducing a man!"
-- Chelsea
"NOTHING'S FUN UNLESS I'M IN CHARGE OF IT!"
-- Kellie
"You're holding all the cows here..."
-- Joe (a Freudian slip during Collaboration rehearsal)"I like suspense, but not when it comes to sock puppets."
-- Chelsea
"I'm arresting you for possession of boobs!"
-- Chelsea
"You guys remind me of these horses I know..."
-- Amanda (to Kellie & Chelsea)
"You are so threatened by hypothetical people!"
-- Kellie (to Amanda)
"Yeah, now if he gets raped, I'll feel really bad."
-- Zac (of Jason Lasky)
"Chelsea! Who said anything about blow-jobs?!?"
-- Zac"...Cancer is not a sexually transmitted disease."
"What if you have cancer of the sperm?"
-- Kellie & Joe
"Don't let your characters become Meg Ryan!"
-- Prof. Gerrity, Creative Writing
"We could go out to Wyoming and get ourselves shot at this summer! It's not that hard!"
-- Prof. Dietrich, Philosophy
"I'm so self-conscious about my dwarfish little knees!"
-- Chelsea"A.) We do not live in California. B.) We are not married."
-- Chelsea (to Kellie)
"It's statutory rape o'clock!"
-- Chelsea
"Why isn't there more demand for awkward blonde Jews?"
-- Kellie
"Poverty?"
"Yeah. That's funny."
-- Kellie and Chelsea
"At least the people here are friendly..."
"And SUICIDAL!"
-- Chelsea & Amanda, of College-in-the-Woods
"Who's fault is that, SICKY?"
-- Chelsea
"The more sleep-deprived I am, the better the quotes get!"
-- Chelsea"You're a liar! You're a lying sack of lies!"
-- Amanda"If I were going to commit statutory rape with one of these boys... it would be him."
-- Chelsea"I like things that taste like boy."
-- Chelsea
"I'm the person Kellie dates with no benefits whatsoever."
-- Chelsea
"Joe doesn't have an evil bone in his Italian gigolo body!"
-- Kellie
"What kind of dip is that?"
"Frito-Lay... like YOUR MOM!"
-- Kellie & Chelsea
"Here, throw this [cup] at him."
"...There's water in there."
"That's the point."
-- Zac & Kellie
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