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1999-2001
"Ivana, you're not on yet."
"When do I enter?"
"Where it says, 'Ivana enters.'"
-- Brian & Mary T."This shit is BANANAS. And we haven't even gotten to karaoke yet."
-- Kellie
"Check your e-mail."
"If you've sent me a picture of a big fiery vagina, I'm selling you into slavery."
-- Kellie and Dennis
"Have you lost all hope for humanity yet?"
"To lose something, you have to first possess it. Mankind exists only to please me. Sexually."
-- Kellie and Dennis
"But they're so STUPID, and I have no sympathy."
"Fake it?"
"You mean, subsume my derision beneath a thin and fragile layer of toleration? Story of my goddamn life."
-- Dennis and Kellie
"Just got home, about to commence with Operation: Eat The Fuck Out of Some Eggs."
-- Dennis
"We can take the train to Poughkeepsie."
"And tiiiime stood still..."
-- Kellie and Dennis
"Guess which lucky bastard has the strep?"
"At least it's not syphilis. Feel better."
"You're all heart."
"Yes. Just like the South American kid from Captain Planet."
-- Dennis and Kellie"it's ten o'clock. Do you know where your Kellie Powell is?"
-- Lindsay T. Miller"I'm not planning to marry anyone until I stop hallucinating."
-- Amanda
"Give me my government pen! I had to join the government to get that!"
-- Dennis
"We'll just explain to Nick that he went down in a blaze of tears and whining."
-- Dennis
"I'm a man of action! I love action! And pie!"
-- Dennis
"We're just wandering simpletons... who like pie."
-- Nick
"You crit failed at being annoying!"
-- Kellie to Dennis
"Nick, you're actually getting action."
"In my dreams!"
-- Dennis and Nick"We should never have nuked Japan."
-- Nick"You were so good, I'd swear you were a lesbian!"
-- Mike, to Kellie
"We can't all be playwrights, Kellie."
-- Amanda"Would you please stop representing the Lollipop Guild?"
-- Dennis, to Rich
"I better get my sack off of your dad."
-- Dennis, to Amanda"Fuck you and your grapes."
-- Amanda
"How could we end it?"
"She becomes a doula and lives happily ever after."
"That's not a Kellie Powell play."
-- Amanda and Lindsay"I may not be happy, but at least I'm funny. And pretty. That's way more important!"
-- Chelsea"I don't know how to be intimate and loud at the same time."
-- Nick
"You never hear about the Feel-Good Comedy of the Winter."
-- KP"I care about looks and looks only!"
-- Raphaella"Why the fuck does everybody think I'm Jesus?! I mean, Jewish?"
-- Matt
"Who cybers anyway? Cybersex is gay!"
-- Rebecca"I think it's better now. Love, Josh."
-- Megandy"I would like to remind the assembled parties that I am both an
asshole and drunk."
-- Bret"Victorian England."
"I don't know who that is but it's a girl."
-- Tim & Bret"Zombie apocalypse comes, I'm going to Bret's."
-- Dan"Sometimes I get drunk and register silly domain names."
-- Bret"People didn't want to play euchre with us because we were making out."
-- Logan"If you want to touch my nuts, you need to try another approach. Like
asking nicely."
-- J.R. to Alex"Why did you push me in the mud?"
"Brcause fuck you, that's why."
-- Alex & Bret"You will feel liike you have a friend in Jesus. But this friend will
actually talk to you."
-- Josh, encouraging people to listen to public radio"I don't swear! You're full of shit up up to your ears!"
--Barb, age 74.
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